


The Price We Pay Is Grief

by ArtemisDiana



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: But not in 1st person, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hamadacest - Freeform, Hiro's POV, M/M, hidashi, tadahiro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 21:58:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3304865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtemisDiana/pseuds/ArtemisDiana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a collection of drabbles based on Tadashi's death and Hiro trying to live through the aftermath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The World Will Never Be The Same

     He sleeps in Tadashi’s bed more often then his own now, won’t let Aunt Cass take anything big from the room, tries to keep it as much the same as his brother left it as he can, even though he knows that it’s probably not a great thing to be doing. The sheets and pillows still smell like Tadashi, like  _safety_  and  _home_  and he bundles himself in sweaters and shirts from his brother’s drawers, trying to work it into his skin like he’ll forget it if it fades, like he’ll forget  _Tadashi_  if it fades…

     He isn't coping well, at least not the way everyone else seems to be, but he feels like a huge piece of himself has been ripped out of his chest and broken, leaving him to try to pick up shattered glass with his bare hands and he’s failing, trying to keep afloat but drowning in his own sorrow and grief. His entire life has revolved around Tadashi’s presence, his brother who dressed him, brushed his hair, been there for his first steps, watched over him as he grew up… was gone. His world had tilted on its axis, and he didn't know if it would ever right itself.

     He doesn't know if he ever wants it to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally titled 'Midnight Bullshit' on my tumblr


	2. Train Tracks

     He counts his days by the trains rushing by behind his bedroom, regularly scheduled, every two hours, for as long as he and Ta- for as long as he’d lived with Aunt Cass. He used to laugh in the beginning, the way the floor rumbled, like Ta- like - like the chest underneath his as his bro- as he was read to, textbooks and science publications, and anything else Aunt Cass could get her hands on for them- for him.

     GoGo texts him on the same schedule now; reminders to eat, to check on Baymax, to call her, to come hang out. She doesn’t like that it’s necessary, but she understands his grief, the way his house no longer feels like home, like living in a nightmare that he can’t wake up from.

     The four o’clock train rumbles by, and he looks up at the doorway, still expecting Ta- expecting someone to come through, and he waits and he waits, and no one comes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I made some slight fudges with the geography of San Fransokyo.... The things we do for plot, I guess.


	3. Pouring Rain

     The rain is fitting, he thinks, for his mood right now, watching candles gutter and flicker with morbid fascination as he tries not to focus on the heavy, soaking mud being shoveled over Tadashi’s urn. His hands still smell of incense, sweet and cloying in the back of his throat, and he lets the drops collect in his palms until he can rub them together, trying to rinse them clean.

     ’Hiro? Hiro, what are you doing? It’s time to go…’

     ’Coming, Aunt Cass…’

     He watches somber people in sodden clothes make their way towards the parking lot, knowing that in only a few minutes, they’ll all be in Aunt Cass’ house, out of the rain but still slowly drowning. He doesn’t know if he can make it through the ride home without throwing up, belly cramping sharply and a cold sweat breaking out over his face, just at the thought of having to hear everyone apologize again, sympathy evident in all of their faces but no true understanding of what he’s going through.

     He steals upstairs before Aunt Cass can grab ahold of him, meeting GoGo’s eyes for a split second before he’s out of sight and out of reach, and she nods before grabbing Honey’s hand gently and whispering to her. They’ll take care of Aunt Cass, get her a cup of tea, make sure she’s alright, all of the things that he can’t even do for himself right now, much less someone else. He… hurts to much right now, each breath like a bellows blow to the ember in his chest, only getting hotter until he feels like he must burst into flame and be consumed like his brother.

      He can still hear everyone in the apartment, too clearly for how shaky his control is right now, and it isn’t long before he has to climb to his feet and retreat into their bedroom, stripping out of his soggy clothes and leaving them where they drop. He crawls onto Tadashi’s bed, wrapping himself in blankets that still smelled of his brother, and he curls into himself, arms and legs pulled in tight. Up here, all he can hear is an underlying murmur of activity from everyone who’s here, drowned out by the still pouring rain, and he won’t say that it’s easier, but it’s… less. Less immediate, less frightening, less like Tadashi is gone forever, leaving him behind to pick up all the pieces by himself.

     He’s never been alone like this, and for once in his life, he doesn’t know what to do now. Tadashi’s always been there for him, with him, never so far away as to not be able to help if he needed it, and Hiro is terrified of the future in a way that he’d never contemplated before. He’s spent his entire life as ‘Hiro, Tadashi’s little brother’, and now… now he has to learn who ‘Hiro’ is when he is all alone.

     ’Hiro?’

     GoGo’s quiet knocks on the doorframe snap through him and he cringes, pulling the blankets up even further over his face. He doesn’t want to talk right now, doesn’t want to open his mouth for fear of sobbing until he can’t breath anymore, because if he starts, he won’t ever, ever stop.

     ’We’re heading out as soon as Wasabi and Honey finish with the dishes, so you and Aunt Cass don’t have to worry about them right now. She’s gone to lay down, so you probably won’t see her until tomorrow, and we’ll be here in the morning before school.’

     He’s pathetically grateful, to her, to them, and someday when the pain is less, he’ll maybe even thank her for it, but for now, he just focuses on the rain beating hard against the window, the way the wind whistles in the eaves, and tries not to think of anything at all.

**Author's Note:**

> I've tagged it as Hiro/Tadashi because I fully believe that there is a deeply romantic relationship there, even if it was unintended and not necessarily sexual. This collection will not have sex in it, though separate fics may come at a later date.


End file.
